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Today, students were shocked to hear that, in the university’s latest move toward overthrowing the Queensland Government, Chancellor Peter Varghese AO has announced funding to campus security would increase 100-fold.

This, according to anonymous sources deep within the university administration, was a considered policy decision, made after the student union asked how UQ planned to enforce its vaccine mandate, and not the result of habitual asbestos dust consumption on the part of Mr Varghese.

Either way, the Sempaaa editorial team is proud to announce its support for the proposed principalities of UQ’s St Lucia and satellite campuses.

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