Category: Comedy

Pleasure seekers and trophy hunters, roll right up, because we have the scoop for you! We present to you all the mythical beasts that are rumoured to haunt this campus, and exactly where you can locate your very own. For those beasts yet to be captured on film, we have enlisted the help of Semper […]

In a landmark decision last night, the UQ Union finally allowed the State Government to pass a law decriminalising abortion. UQ’s Student Union was established in 1912 as the peak body for legislative oversight in Queensland. The process of removing abortion laws from the Queensland Criminal Code has been discussed in state politics for the […]

Reporters in Singapore covering a summit between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un have described the bizarre scenes that unfolded as Zachary Thomas entered a private meeting between the pair to discuss current governance initiatives in the UQ Union. “Fellas, as nice as the whole denuclearisation idea is, I’m proud to announce that our president […]

Australian Treasurer Josh Frydenberg made the unexpected announcement last night that, even if he diverted all of Australia’s tax revenue to them, QUT students would still be the biggest losers to walk the planet. “I have a lot to get to tonight, but I want to start by saying that no matter who loses money […]

The incumbent University of Queensland Union [FOCUS] ticket has today defied the odds to claim their second unopposed election in six months. Samuel Ngugi was declared Treasurer Friday just after 1:25pm. Semper understands that three people originally nominated for the Treasurer by-election before nominations closed midday Wednesday, but two candidates withdrew their nomination. This unopposed election […]

QUT Universe has held a media conference today to remind students that they do have friends, but all of them work at a different newspaper. “Nah, yeah, we have social lives, but uhhh… you wouldn’t know any of our friends, trust us. “And none of our friends have Facebook either, because they’re all really shy, […]

The editorial staff at Universe has today called a press conference to explain their manifesto that the best way to deliver quality journalism is to act as an uncritical mouthpiece for the Guild. “We completely reject the recent claims from our competitors that you can improve a publication by not stacking it with stupol hacks,” […]

The QUT Guild has explained today that the only possible reason the Toga Party could have failed was the weather, and not that they have run the same event for a decade. “We see no reason that an event like this shouldn’t be successful on a Thursday night,” explained a spokesperson for the Epic party. […]