ABC Announces Budget Winners And Losers, Confirms QUT Students Gigantic Losers

A screenshot from the damaging report released today.

Australian Treasurer Josh Frydenberg made the unexpected announcement last night that, even if he diverted all of Australia’s tax revenue to them, QUT students would still be the biggest losers to walk the planet.

“I have a lot to get to tonight, but I want to start by saying that no matter who loses money tonight, nobody will be a bigger loser than the QUT student body,” Mr Frydenberg told Parliament on Tuesday.

There will be no recourse for QUT students except to enrol at a real university next semester. The Treasurer has recommended the University of Queensland, highlighting in particular its student newspaper, Semper Floreat.

“Although, I have to acknowledge QUT’s new Glass Media and their role in the fight against cancer in this country,” Mr Frydenberg said.

 


A previous version of this post made fun of QUT Universe and referred to Treasurer Scott Morrison, but we updated it for reuse in 2019.

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